Outing Myself

You would think that once you’ve come out as having herpes on the CBC, as well as publishing a blog about having herpes that the work would be done. But, in reality, I think about having herpes all the time and worry that people will judge me, find me unattractive, think I’m diseased and therefore disgusting all the time, no matter how often I say it out loud.

Tonight I was at a gathering, and it was really fun and someone asked me what my ‘claim to fame’ was. I said it was telling the world, through the CBC that I have herpes. He was a lovely young man and his response was ” wow, you have herpes”. Since he’s an aware and wonderful person, he meant it like ‘great, so many people do but I never meet anyone who actually says it’ kind of way. But I clenched and felt judged. Which is my stuff, not his and I wonder if I’ll ever get over it. And then I wonder how people who keep herpes a secret manage to tell others or come out about having herpes when it feels like such a challenge to me, even after telling the whole world about it.